Oh my god. I drank less than half of one of these and I’m in a milkshake coma. This shake is not for the faint of heart. It makes an extremely thick, rich chocolate malt diner-style shake. Sip slowly, savor, and consider sharing with friends.
This milkshake is here to tread on the fragile stomping ground of poser shakes. Super rich coconut cream is the base of the shake, making it as thick and creamy as possible. If you don’t like coconut (gasp!), you’re in luck! The chocolate and malt syrup completely mask the coconut flavor. If you love coconut, you’re in luck too! Save some coconut cream to use as whipped cream atop your shake.
This shake is like a wild and passionate lover. After you blissfully indulge, write love poems, and get matching tattoos, it’ll leave you in a massive sugar coma, laying on the floor in fetal position clutching your stomach while it begs to know what it ever did to you to deserve this. You probably won’t want to cry over a pint of ice cream to heal the pain, but it will get better and you’ll start feeling like yourself again after digesting what just happened. Once you’ve regained your strength and moved on from that fucker, there will be another milkshake waiting when you’re on the prowl for a rebound.
Try blending the new one with coffee, or a shot of bourbon for an adult shake. Oh baby.
Chocolate Malt Shakes
For one shake:
1 can full fat coconut milk
1/3 cup powdered sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2 ½ tablespoons barley malt syrup
¼ cup cocoa powder
1 cup almond milk, to start
For two shakes:
2 cans full fat coconut milk
2/3 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
5 tablespoons barley malt syrup
½ cup cocoa powder
2 cups almond milk to start
Let the can of coconut milk sit undisturbed in your cupboard for a few days, then transfer to the refrigerator. Let chill overnight.
Open the coconut milk and scoop out the cream. In a large bowl, whisk together with the powdered sugar and vanilla extract until it whips up. If you’d like to top your shake with whipped coconut cream, set aside a tablespoon or two of this cream.
Stir in the barley malt syrup and cocoa powder. Transfer this mixture to a smaller container and stick in the fridge until it thickens up, but do not let it freeze. Even better, put it in an ice cream maker if you have one.
Remove the container from the freezer and stir it up until it takes on the consistency of ice cream. You could stop here and just eat it as a chocolate malt ice cream if you really wanted. But we’re making milkshakes, so transfer this to a blender! Add the almond milk and blend. Taste, then add more barley malt if you want a more prominent flavor. Continue adding almond milk until the shake reaches desired consistency. Drizzle malt syrup around the inside of a glass, then pour in the milkshake and top with whipped cream and a cherry!